I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
