I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
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