i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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