Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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