You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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