i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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