you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
