if only i could text you this smell
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
