No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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