hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize