Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
3 2 1 whiskey
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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