Please, let me fuck your mom
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
