what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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