her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
