I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
