Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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