Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
