I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
