I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
