everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
