i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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