Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I am naked and annoyed.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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