My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
