Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize