This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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