You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
