that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
