my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
