dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
