Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
