In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He? As in you personified your dick?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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