The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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