He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
