Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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