Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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