I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
