tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
