I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
