I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
