you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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