i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
