Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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