I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize