That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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