"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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