I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
