He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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