Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
