I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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