It's Friday. Sex?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
