i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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