apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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