So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
