there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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