from now on my penis is your penis
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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