Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize