never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
