Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
