I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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