I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
