I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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