so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
