we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize