I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
