I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
