Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
