anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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