'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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