i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
