so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
