i was born a porn star she said
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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