Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules

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(218): View more from Minnesota

out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.

(1-218): View more from Minnesota

i gets down

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(604): View more from British Columbia

fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this

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(772): View more from Florida

I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"

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(425): View more from Washington

He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day

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(516): View more from New York

I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.

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(231): View more from Michigan

How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?

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(281): View more from Texas

Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.

(1-281): View more from Texas

Umm okay. What are they doing?

(281): View more from Texas

They’re in the hot tub

(1-281): View more from Texas

Can I get divorced when I grow up?

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