dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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