Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
