At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
