I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
