I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
