only you would photoshop your dick
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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